Connection & Commitment

In My Meditation Today. I became very conscious of the force that holds me back from manifesting the biggest vision I have for myself. I am terrified about what achieving fame and full financial freedom might mean for me and my marriage, for my time with my children and grandchildren. So, I hold back. Instead of giving everything I do my all, I put in just enough effort to be moderately successful, opting for the safety of mediocrity rather than the perceived danger of excellence. Committing to excellence today. Releasing the restraints and letting myself soar.

    The Sapta Shloki consists of seven verses from the Devi Mahatmyam – The Grand Story of the Divine Mother. Reciting these seven verses is considered equivalent to reciting the entire 700-verse scripture. 

The sixth verse of the Sapta Shloki is

Rogan Aseshan Apahamsi Tushta
Rusta tu Kaman Sakalan Abhistan
Tvam Aashritanam na Vipannaranam
Tvam Aashrita Hya, Aashrayatam Prayanti

When pleased you destroy all afflictions
 When displeased you thwart all aspirations
 No calamity befalls those who have taken refuge in you
 One who seeks refuge in you, herself becomes a refuge for others.

Of the seven verses in the Sapta Shloki, this one is special because it has both the most troubling and the most uplifting thoughts in all seven verses.

Let us tackle the troublesome thought first. I do not like the idea of a displeased God / Goddess. I find suggesting that a displeased Goddess robs you of your aspirations disturbing and even abhorrent. Over the years, I have come to terms with this by interpreting the “displeasure” as an experience of disconnection from the divine force within me. A disconnection from my highest potential, which in turn results in a thwarting of my aspirations and ambitions.

The most uplifting line, the line that for me describes my purpose in the world, is the last line of this verse.
      “One who seeks refuge in you, herself, becomes a refuge for others.”
For me, this describes the effect of connection. The result of knowing and resting in the knowledge of my divinity is that I become a refuge for others in need. I achieve my full potential by being a solace and support to society.
Over the last couple of years, I have done several things that I believe are helping to move me closer to achieving my dreams.

I enrolled and completed a creative non-fiction writing certificate; started on a memoir; enrolled in a personal life coaching program; began coaching with a business coach to develop an online business and attract my ideal clients.  I started this blog. I started training and developing my physical strength and stamina. I ran a few  5k, 10k & half marathons.

So, I have broken several mental barriers that said

“ You are not a real writer,”; “You are not a business woman”; “ You are not an athlete.”

As I break each mental barrier, I release and allow myself to get closer and closer to my full potential.
I also keep making promises to myself to stop drinking alcohol. The promises have varied from saying that I will only have a drink a day to not drinking anything alcoholic at all for “X” number of days.

I have broken my word every single day.  Every morning I decide that I will not drink, and every evening I  say,
“ Oh, come On! – You are never going to stop. You like your alcohol, so who are you fooling?”
I  finally spent some time trying to figure out why I have had so much trouble keeping this commitment to myself. As I meditated and wrote, what became abundantly clear was that I was scared to commit fully to my well-being. I was fully committed to success in other areas of my life but  I needed something every day to remind me that I sucked at something.   There was a weird comfort in that.  As long as I was using something to keep my self-worth in check. It meant that I would not experience runaway success.

The full import of Marianne Williamson’s lines dawned on me.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

       I was terrified of fully committing to my success because there is a deep-seated fear, i.e., if I get to the level of success I have yearned for all my life, I will lose something. The displeasure this verse speaks about is that disconnectedness from my divine potential that feeds that belief. That disconnectedness is causing me to thwart my aspirations and keep a lid on them.

With this clarity, it has been easy to stay away from alcohol. The little voice still pipes up every evening, but now I recognize it for what it is. The small, scared part of me that would rather keep me small and safe. It is now easy to hold and comfort her while I commit to being my best self.
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